A post by Mark McCarthy:
My Mother performs one of the best ‘Screech In’ ceremonies I’ve ever seen; probably because she gets what it’s all about! Most people don’t realize that the Newfoundland ‘Screech In’ is really a celebration of the intelligence of the Newfoundland people. (Is that what you call an oxymoron?) We suggest that anyone who can trade away an old salt fish and get back a lovely drop of rum can’t be too thick. We acknowledge the superior intelligence displayed by anyone who chooses to visit Newfoundland with an induction as a honorary Newfoundlander. Complete with certificate.
As for the performance and some of its inclusions, these too can be explained and validated quite easily. We kiss the cod in homage for everything it has done for this island. The cod brought us here, it’s what kept us here and most importantly – what brought us this gorgeous drop of rum. We’ll also ask you to speak some “Newfie language” – partially for fun but as well to explain the unique dialects and the important insight it provides to linguistic studies in ‘Early Modern’ English. Our grammar is actually quite typical of that used by the entire English speaking world between the years of 1550 and 1750. You’ll likely to be asked to try a piece of ‘Newfie Steak’ or a ‘Candy Kiss’ in acknowledgement of the unique dietary tastes and niche markets that confound marketing specialists and advertisers the world over; this is the only place in the world where Pepsi owns a 76.2% share of the cola market!
Even the ‘Screech’ name says so much about the Newfoundland people and how we treat our visitors. We never called it anything other than rum before the American’s took over Newfoundland in what we call the “Friendly Invasion” during the Second World War. “Friendly” because they were on our side, but as well because of the many acts of kindness, their generosity to the local people and for the fact that they paid Newfoundlanders cash wages; unheard of in Newfoundland’s mercantile system of truck and trade. In those days every Newfoundlander carried a flask of rum, but when the ‘Yanks’ would ask for a drop, the Newfoundlanders were too ashamed to share the rough, over-proofed drink with such a refined group. At the same time they didn’t want to seem ungrateful or mean to the Americans, so they dismissed their request with “G’way b’y, it’ed only make you screech!” – A Newfoundland word which literally means to cry or bawl out. Of course, Americans being Americans, they thought they were being denied a national treasure and soon they were down to the local ‘Bond Store’ trying to buy ‘Screech’ from a merchant who wasn’t one for missing out on opportunities and quickly made up labels for the rum bottles.
Finally, we don’t see visitors very often and when we do it’s an excuse to celebrate – so tonight you’re it. If that means we’re going to buy a few extra rounds, spin a few yarns and yes, even invent a ‘Screech In’ ceremony just to get you to stay a little longer – boy, that’s what we’re going to do. And in case you ever wondered about how good Newfoundland ‘Screech’ tastes let me offer this story from Mom’s repertoire;
Neddy and G’arge are walking out of the liquor store, each with a flask of ‘Screech’ tucked neatly in their rear pocket. Ever wonder why they put that curve in the bottle? It fits some nice and snug against the cheek of your arse! Well poor Neddy slips on his way out the door and arse over kettles he goes. When he gets up he feels this trickle running down the back of his leg and with a pained expression he looks at Neddy and says –
“By the L’ard thundering – I hope that’s blood!”
